Okay, all you moms out there, what did you feel as you read this title? Did your ‘mama protective claws’ come out?
This was one of my reasons for requesting your prayers last week. Addison was getting picked on by some of the neighborhood boys. My first reaction was to get upset and want to go have a ‘chat’ with those boys. Then, after sleeping on it, Max and I realized we just needed to take the time to talk to Addison about it and let him know that we are proud of him and are praying for him.
We think the reasons for the name calling included both cultural and personality issues. Addison is a good-looking, blond-haired, blue-eyed ‘gringo’ who all the girls seem to like. That means he is a threat to the good-looking chilean boys that live in the neighborhood. Also, Addison is not used to having to stick up for himself. Being the first-born, he hasn’t had to do that (unlike Isaac and Jacob, whom we have no doubt will be just fine with sticking up for themselves!).
During this situation, I was reminded of the song that Max and I sang to Addison at his baptism:
ALBUM: Come to the Cradle
ARTIST: Michael Card
SONG: Nathan’s Song
Welcome now, little stranger
To a world filled with wonder
Filled full of the fragrance
of life’s sweet bouquet
But, dear one, take warning
That birth’s like a morning
To a lifetime that flies past
like one single day
Soak up like a sponge all that’s joyful and best
And squeeze yourself out upon those who are blessed
A God-given gift has been wrapped up in you
You show more of Him than I’ll ever teach you
There are no words to thank you
for a heart that can see
and gaze in the face of this small mystery
You knit him together in a most secret place
A most certain sign of your wonderful grace
Welcome now, little stranger
to a world filled with wonder
to a world torn asunder
to a world that’s in pain
My son, life’s a battle
So you be a rebel
Stand ready to fight
and never stop loving the Light
We are praying that Addison does not allow others to determine how he should feel about life or himself. We pray that he is a rebel and it ready to fight – not necessarily for his own personal cause, but that of the Light that is shining through him. We also pray that he continues to “soak up all that’s joyful and best, and squeeze himself out upon those who are blessed”.
1 Corinthians 4:12 (NIV) We work hard with our own hands. When we are cursed, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure it.
Your turn to share: Do you remember a time when you or your child were picked on and how God helped you/your child to endure it?
September 17, 2007 at 1:58 pm
My brother and I were tormented while riding the bus to school as a teenagers. My brother and I were the last ones on this particular year. The kids would not give us a seat and thought it funny to make us stand (a six mile ride) to the high school. One day I decided to take a seat in the back of the bus. I was a Sophmore at the time. I figured why should I stand when there was an open seat. I had make up put on my brand new school jacket ( remember those courdory ones! ). I went to home ec to get the stain out and reported the incident. Finally something was done. I believe my brother and I were given a seat in the front of the bus. I don’t know why it didn’t happen sooner. The teasing never stopped but at least we had a seat on the bus.
God helped us not to physically fight, but the emotional issues still linger. Neither of us like to be teased even for fun. We both shy away from standing up for ourselves.
Addison, Miss Dusen is praying for you. Please don’t try to get even or fight. It will only make things worse. Words do hurt but please don’t let them change who you are. You are a beautiful, handsome Godly young man. I am proud of you.
Blessings to all
Lynda
September 18, 2007 at 12:14 am
My grandson, Alex, (8 now) was picked on on the bus for two years (kindergarten and first grade) by some older boys that rode that bus. Alex is a very sweet, naive, and friendly boy and because of this he was labeled “gay” on the bus, which of course really upset him. His mom talked to the school, the bus driver, (against school policy to talk to the other parents!!) and nothing worked too well to resolve it. He was moved to the front of the bus, but real relief came when they moved to a different school district (not because of this!). It is SO painful for Mom and Dad, probably worse than for the child. Hang in there, Addison has God to comfort him as well as great parents!
September 18, 2007 at 1:35 pm
I can remember getting picked on in school myself, but I always had the comforting feeling of going home to my mother and father who always knew what to say. I pray that through God’s wisdom you are able to speak to Addison and comfort him to help him through this time in his life. It’s all a part of growing up and he will be a better person for it. Our experiences build our character and The Lord knows what we can endure. It still hurts. My mother is gone now, but I still look to her for guidance and listen for what she would say! I’m crying as I write this! Addison will always have his heavenly Father as well! What a bonus!!!! I am a stronger person today because of what I went through! I try to stick up for those around me who others are putting down including the people doing the putting down because they obviously are struggling with something of their own! Hope that made sense! Talk to you later!
September 19, 2007 at 2:39 am
I absorbed A LOT of teasing and tearing down for being the lanky, buck-toothed, frizzy-haired, church girl. I never did anything against these kids. I couldn’t understand it. No one told me the tormenting may have had something to do with jealousy.
We have a neighbor boy who tends to perplex us with his behavior. Our boys were not invited to his birthday party, he can be impulsive and hurtful and most recently, he carved his name on the side of our van with a rock. After the boy finally confessed, I was very proud of Sean for saying “We forgive you” without any hesitation. Perhaps this child is jealous of our sons. Despite all the THINGS he has, he doesn’t have a brother and he doesn’t see his dad everyday…and most importantly, he doesn’t have Jesus….YET. I am hoping that our repeated forgiveness will shine God’s light on him.
I think it might help Addison to hear from someone other than mom and dad how special he is. Please tell him that we think he’s a great kid. Kenny STILL talks about Addison and can’t wait to see him again.
September 22, 2007 at 4:04 am
I remind my son to “Be kind and loving to one another” and tell him that just because others may treat him poorly, that doesn’t give him the free pass to return that bahavior. He is also the firstborn (5 yrs old), and I’m always telling him that he needs to be an example to his little brother (2yr old), as well as neighbors and friends. He is responsible for his own actions, and others may act poorly because they don’t yet know about God, Jesus or His commandment to love your neighbor as yourself. And so he gets to show them God’s love and let His light shine through him, that others may see.
Great blogs by the way. =-)
September 23, 2007 at 3:24 am
Honestly, as I read this I cringe. I feel for Addison and you/Max–it’s never easy when our kids have to face something like this. But what makes me cringe is that I was one who did the “picking on” when I was in elementary school. I was singled out and always put down and compared in my family so I turned and found others that I could do the same to. It is terrible, but at the time that’s all I knew(and I was really good at getting away with never getting caught).
Everyone (kids and adults) has reasons for everything they do. Right or wrong, they still have reasons. Although it may not stop now, teaching Addison that his actions have reasons, and talking about why the other kids do things, may help him to see and stand above it all.
September 29, 2007 at 4:21 pm
I feel for addison,in school I was also picked on as being weak since I would share all my stuff with my mom (sometimes she would tell other mom’s that and most of the kids would get harressed by their mom’s about why they would not share)my mom has always been my best friend and it took me a while to understand that i was no sissy if i told everything to my mother-instead it spoke of how strong our bond was-that is how I would defend myself and eventually i made a few good and steady friends and did not care about the “others”.Good luck addison.
November 19, 2008 at 11:24 am
My grandson, 13 is being picked on, yesterday he told me he wanted to hit the one who was picking on him. He is in private school, a 6 foot 170 good looking boy that seems not to be included in things or going to sleep overs etc. I dont know what to do. I have been praying for a year now and it’s not any better. I have tried to stay out of it because he says it will make it worse. I told him to pray. He also says he is the only boy in his class that does not use bad language. What can I tell him. It hurts him to be left out and I really hurt for him but am at a loss as to what to do other than prayer. I pray for all of you asking for prayer and hope you will include us in your prayer.
November 22, 2008 at 9:50 pm
omg, at least in brighton everyone is nice! i have seen a bunch of kids act mean so that people will think they’re popular… but nobody is really nasty at our school. so thats kind of why those mean kids are unpopular anyway. at twelve corners, nobody really picks on people!
December 10, 2008 at 8:43 am
me, again can any give suggestions, should I go talk to someone. All the teachers have children in the school. Just this week his class went to the movies and he wanted to ride with the children he knows best expecial his friend Cr.. but was told there was not enough room, the same thing happened during football season, he had to ride with someone he didnt know in a lower grade because this same group said there wasnt enough room. I heard the Mother of the main boy say she was going to take all of them to an away basketball game, was my grandson included no and he comes home everyday and stares out the window. He invites Cr….over and once in a while he will come but he would rather be with the other boys. Cant someone give me something
December 27, 2008 at 1:38 pm
That is so sad that he stares out the window, my son is 8 now and is really starting to get picked on.Third grade is when it really started for me too, getting picked on for a weight problem. People don’t realize that kids can be permanently traumatized by this. I have never forgotten the cruelty I endured, both at school and at church!But since you can’t stop it, or beat anyone up, the best thing is for the child to stay active and busy, if not with friends then with family. And to be a friend to the ones he is “stuck” with!