Throughout the last couple of years, the Lord has been asking me to write a book for pastors’ wives. It is still a work in progress, and I know that if I find it can be useful to others, it will give me the needed passion to complete it.

I have always envisioned this book to be used in multiple ways – whether read individually by a pastor’s wife, used in a mentoring relationship between pastors’ wives, or even read together by pastoral couples to enhance conversation regarding these issues. I think this book would also be helpful for wives of seminary students that will soon be heading into the pastoral life in the near future.

If you don’t mind, please invite anyone you know that is in this type of leadership position (or will be in the near future) to come to this site and read through the table of contents, introduction, and chapters that I have posted. I would appreciate any comments and feedback. Thanks!

Help, I’m Married to a Pastor!

  • Title Page
  • Table of Contents
  • Introduction
  • Chapter: Your Daily Date
  • Chapter: Single Mom on Sunday Mornings
  • Chapter: The Great Debate: Casual or Formal
  • 32 Responses to “Book: The Secret Life of a Pastor’s Wife”

    1. Anissa Says:

      Hello dear friend! I love your “Table of Contents”. They made me smile! You hit the nail on the head with those.
      I can’t wait to read more.

    2. Rindy Says:

      I am so excited about your book!! So cool!!

    3. Stephanie Debo Says:

      Kristin, you are so awesome and I miss you! I know I’m not a pastor’s wife, but I’ll definitely read your book anyways! Maybe it’d be good for us non-pastor’s wives to read it to understand better what you go through!

      Love to all of you,
      Steph

    4. Photo Buffet Says:

      Kristin, I have a friend named Lisa who is a pastor’s wife. A writer, too! I’ll send her this link. Blessings on your work.

    5. Helen Morelli Says:

      Wow, I loved what you wrote so far. I think the format is fantastic….”scenario”, “our experience” and then your words of wisdom…..it drew me in. I’m not a pastor’s wife but I could relate to the descriptions/scenarios. You have such great words of wisdom for such a young person. I never thought clothing could be intimidating to others, and maybe, turn people away from church. Awesome job! I’m looking forward to reading the rest of it.

    6. Sherrie Staines Says:

      Not a Pastor’s wife either, but proud to know so many of them and call them my friends and family. I can hear your voice in the chapters that I have read and you make me smile! I can’t wait to own an autographed copy one day!!

    7. Nancy Carter Says:

      As a PK rather than a pastor’s wife, I was chuckling out loud just reading the table of contents! I can’t wait to read “Wolves in Sheep’s Clothing”! Keep up the great work!

    8. Dawn Bradt Says:

      Wow!! I have read all that you have written and it is excellent! I will definitely purchase a copy! Love the Blog. It does bring a sense of being closer.


    9. Bonnie Bruno sent me your way…I’m a PW and think this sounds like an excellent resource. I particularly giggled at the Single Mom on Sunday mornings. I take Sundays to focus my prayer on single moms who never have the relief I am blessed to look forward to … It really shifted my thinking and allowed me to refocus my mornings on worship instead of being mad at the Preacher for not helping me get the kids to church on time..:)

      I look forward to reading through your work! :))

      Lisa

    10. Yvonne Says:

      Generous love facilitates others’ success. By writing blog entries and your book, you’re allowing us to inherit each other’s friendship and you’re pouring yourself into us towards purer service to our King. He deserves it and you’re making it more do-able. What generous love.

    11. paulpeterson Says:

      Hey Kristin!

      Though I’m a pastor and NOT a wife… I think this is GREAT!

      Paul

    12. Betsy Says:

      Thank you for this web site, Kristin! Your insights are helping me better understand my friends who are pastors’ wives. Your book is so encouraging–may you find time to write more!

    13. Debbie Says:

      This really is a wonderful way for me to get to “know” your heart a bit better, Kristin. Thank you for opening it up to all of us. God Bless…

    14. Lynn Says:

      Just thought I’d let you know we are praying for you guys and I am just starting to take a look at your blog and book! Thanks for that awesome opportunity to reconnect. God Bless!

    15. stan Says:

      well,am a pastor but will say its good to have something like this to think about

    16. Derek S. Says:

      Kristin, you and Max have been models of grace to me over the years for what the pastoring family looks like. And no, I wasn’t stalking; simply observing and learning, knowing that would be my life someday. Thank you for that model. My life as a married pastor (and my wife’s as married to a pastor!) is, and will continue to be, blessed because of my time seeing a healthy “pastor family” in action! Good work on the book; keep it up! Much love to the fam…

      grace and peace,
      d.

    17. Rachel Spink Says:

      Kristin,

      This is Rachel Spink, but not the daughter of Tim and Belinda Spink. I was Rachel James, up until August 4th when I married Derek. When I married him I was also given the title of “pastors wife”. I read your chapters and I look forward to what else God will have you write. I think this is a great idea and this book will help many other pastors wives. I really appreciate the closing words of your chpater: Sunday Morning – Single Mom. Even though we don’t have children yet, and not for some time, I have felt single on Sunday mornings. I need to remember that Sunday morning is work for Derek. And although I would love for us to go to church together, I am more glad that Derek is using his gifts and talents for the Lord. Thank you for your writing. When God calls us to do something, He will put the words in our mouth (Jeremiah 1:9), or in this case, on the paper.

      Rachel🙂

      P.S. If you were to ever write a chapter on “Pastors wife- Expected to be it all to all people” I would love to read it!🙂

    18. LSP Says:

      Your chapter on sunday morning is amazing. My book would have to say that we had a place for the kids after church and didn’t know until years later that they had found and been stealing the candy the youth group was selling. Or that they told the head trustee, “you can’t yell at me. My daddy owns the church.” I could go on… I’m glad you were blessed with good kids. Maybe you were just better at keeping them in line. I cannot imagine being that organized. But we all survived, and the ministry too.

    19. Melvin Says:

      Kristin,

      Here’s another chapter title:

      Help! My brother-in-law needs a pastor’s wife

      Your brother-in-law,

      Melvin

    20. Jeney Says:

      Kristin,

      Please, please, please keep writing!

      My boyfriend of 2 years is in seminary and we’re trying to prepare for marriage – which means I need to have a proper understanding of what my role will be as a pastor’s wife. I LOVE your writing style and honest thoughts!

      I like your explanations of what can be expected, as well as solutions you came up with that worked for you. Please continue!

    21. Jeney Says:

      Kristin,

      I’d also be interested in a chapter like “Competing With God” – about the struggles of your husband balancing his work and calling with attending to your needs and quality time. This is a HUGE issue for us right now…sometimes I feel like when I want/need more of his time/attention I am competing with God because he’s so devoted to his work…was that ever an issue with you and Max?

      1. Che' Says:

        I am in a similar situation.

        I am engaged to a bishop and have a very limited perspective of how my life is changing even as I write this note. I am thankful for your words on “Your Daily Date”. What concerns me most is how so many women dramatize the life of the bishop’s wife when there are so many challenges. I see how so many wives of pastors have such strong character through their growing through situations.

        I am thankful for your candor and for you being in position to be a blessing to others. Please keep it coming!


    22. When my husband said he was leaving his job – owner operator of a successful auto body repairs shop to go into full time ministry, I thought he was crazy. We had a daughter in college. I couldn’t be the sole provider. Well, he went 4 years without an income and the Lord provided. I also just didn’t know how to be a “Pastor’s wife” so I went to my boss, who is a pastor at a large church and asked him what to do and he said, “Just be yourself”. It hasn’t been an easy road. I am a private person, and my husband is very friendly. That at times can be a problem with women who can misinterpret it. So I pray that God protect him, and give him wisdom knowledge and discernment and help him to make wise choices in his new office. I’m glad you are doing a book for Pastor’s wives. I have read many. Most are written by women who are speakers, writers, and dress to the teeth in designer outfits. I do not fall into that category as my husband pastors to the poor and needy, not much income comes from that. So I dress casual. I once wore a dress and was asked if I got it at Chicos and I said, “No, clearance at TJ Maxx.” The woman who asked seemed so much more relaxed after that.
      Let me know when the book is finished.
      God bless you and your family.
      Myrna

      1. Antoinette Says:

        Myrna, thank you. Your words were encouraging to me. I am an elder’s wife and am shortly about to become a pastor’s wife. I don’t know what to expect but I am trusting God. I am not as outgoing as my husband and can count my true friends on one hand. I am a simple dresser and have even been told by my mother, a pastor’s wife, that I need to “come up” in the way I dress and “dress like an elder’s wife.” Does anyone know exactly what the dress code of an elder’s wife is? I like simplicity and being comfortable. I don’t have anything against rhinestones and furs but I don’t have a desire to wear them every sunday or most sundays for that matter. There are many different kinds of instruments, even within the same family of instruments. Each one has it’s own sound and the potential to make beautiful music when played by a skillful musician. God is the master musician, I am one of His instruments. It is He who brings out hte beauty of the music in me as I submit myself to him.

    23. mrs.pamela dawson Says:

      I AM MARRIED TO A PASTOR AND I HAVE PUT HIM THROUGH ALOT I ALSO AM A WALKING TESTIMONY MY HUSBAND HAD A VISSION FOR THE PASS 5 YRS. ALSO WAITING ON ME.LET ME TELL YOU A LITTLE ABOUT US WE BOTH WERE DRUG ADDICTS AND I WAS A PROSITUTE AWAITING TO GET SET FREE,BUT DIDN’T KNOW I WAS ALREADY SET FREE.HE HAD THIS VISION TO BUILD THIS SANTUARY CALLED NAME NOT VALIDATED YET SO CAN’T TELL FOR THE HOMELESS AND ALL PEOPLE IN NEED FOR FREE THEN I HAVE A CALLING THAT’S GOING TO BE IN THE FUTURE CALLED I RATHER NOT SAY IT NOT ESTABLISHED YET UNDR I STILL GOING TO SCHOOL. THROUGH MY LIFE HISTORY.I AM WRITING SASYING KEEP ALL DREAMS ALIVE AND IT’S A GREAT OPPOUNITY TO BE A PASTOR’S WIFE! THANKS LOT.

      P.S. YES, THROUGH ALL WRONG AND RIGHTS GE STUCK BY ME AND TO THIS DAY WE ARE STILL TOGETHER!

    24. Antoinette Says:

      Kristin,
      Thank you for listen to and following God. As I read the Chapters, I could see myself and my family. I am an Elder’s wife and soon to be a Pastor’s wife. I look forward to hearing more from you and will definately purchase your book. I know that I am a few years behind with the post but I believe God allowed me to find it right on time.

    25. Annette Says:

      Kristin,
      I happened upon your site by accident (well, there are no accidents). I have been in the process of working on a book as well and this is the topic that I chose unbeknown to me you have this same title. I wish you much success with this book. I have a side to being married to a different type of pastor. I was married to someone who was unfaithful to me during his ministry. While no one ever knew about it, I wore a smile and sat lovingly by his side for more than 31 years. We raised three sons who are now very busy in ministry and thye never knew growig up what “secrets” I pocessed. Secrets such as the emotional and mental abuse as well as so many other things that I endured. It made my heart happy yet sad when I was reading about your upcoming book. Happy because there is someone out there who has positive things to say about ministry; sad because there was someone who has a husband who truly wants to please the Lord. I wish you all of the success in the world and I look forward to reading your book. P.S. I can tell you somethings about raising PK’s:)

    26. Debora Cook Says:

      Hi,

      My name is Debora Cook, my husband has pastored Mission Possible Outreach Church for 12 years. I have a story that I will like to write. Can you help me? I feel my
      story of Agape Love will be blessing to many pastor’s wives.

    27. Kira Says:

      I have known my current boyfriend for nearly 7 years and we have been dating for 9 months. During the mist of our courtship, he became licensed minister. I knew God was calling him to do this prior to our relationship and he wants to get married. It not that I don’t want to, but I feel anxious about what my role will be. I am intravert person and he has been taking me to various churches for preaching engagements. It makes me uncomfortable to have to feel like i have to interact with people when I am not always interested in doing so. Am I suppose to feel this way?

      1. sincerelykristin Says:

        You should never feel that you need to change who you are, although there are going to be many times in life, no matter what the circumstances, where we each need to step out of our comfort zones. In those times, the Lord will give you the strength and courage to do it. Blessings to you!

    28. Josefina Says:

      PW in training and found this to be a work of art and brilliance. Practical tools are exactly what we need to operate effectively in every area of a Kingdom lifestyle. It’s awesome that God laid this on your heart and that you were obedient in moving forward with your assignment. Thanks a ton! Please let me know how I can purchase a copy upon completion. 🙂

    29. Annette Says:

      I understand the feeling that you have of being anxious about your role as a minister’s wife. When my husband and I married 32 years ago, I had no idea that he would be called into ministry. I actually opposed it at first. I told him that God didn’t tell me anything about it. I can laugh at that response now; however, I was very serious back then. I had seen and observed so many pastors wives and what they had endured and was not about to take that route. However, as we together prayed and asked the Lord for guidance and I began really diving into His word, I felt less stress and less anxiety. many times pastors wives hide behind their husbands because they (most times like the members of the church) depend on the pastor/minister to guide them spiritually. Once I started truly studying for myself – I found that I wasn’t uncomfortable when we were invited to engagements for him to speak. Eventually, I was the one taking more speaking engagements to encourage women in ministry. I believe that if you and your future spouse will start praying about your feelings, the Holy spirit will give you exactly what you need to deal with your feelilngs of interacting with people even when you don’t feel like it.
      I’m kind of old fashioned and believe that a pastor/minister’s wife has to be able to handle hospitality together. Once you become one – it is necessary for you both to minister together.

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